Brownish Green Female Sheep.

It's hard not to miss my Dad sometimes, even thought it has been so many years. Certain things pop up in my mind, & I can't get him out of my head. In ways, it's comforting because I know that means he is always with me. Friday nights we would always make homemade pasta, & I found myself cooking pasta tonight. It used to make me sad, cry even, but I now look at it as a blessing I was able to form those sacred memories to carry with me forever. My Dad helped me become a stronger person, & I'm thankful for every day I spent with him. He will be a piece of me forever.

Even though someone may be out of your life, they will never be out of your heart.
♥

Tater Tot Says...

Madison: "What does the morning look like?"
Me: "I don't know, you tell me."
Madison: "Umm, morning is like sunshine."

♥

Obsession Of The Week.

I think I'm going to make Wednesdays's my "Obsession Of The Week" day. It all started when I walked into Bath & Body Works on Monday because the Tater Tot noticed their new, very flowery, store display. I got a whiff of their new Orange Sapphire Body Lotion. It has a light orange-ish scent to it, perfect for Spring. I can't wait to see the rest of the line when it comes. I can't get enough of it, I'm loving it!

♥ ♥ ♥

On another note, all this rain is putting me in a very romantical mood. I'm thinking it's a P.S. I Love You or a The Notebook night. Hopefully Joey agrees!

♥

Where The World Vanishes...

♥ ♥ ♥

♥ ♥ ♥

♥ ♥ ♥

There is something brilliant about the beach. You can get lost in it's beauty & almost instantly it feels as if the world around you has disappeared. All your problems, stresses, insecurities... everything. You're left with a peaceful easiness about life, & you realize that everything gets better. Stay positive. Find the beautiful things surrounding you. Life becomes easier, simpler. Unwind. The beach has always been my little private oasis, somewhere I can escape to when I need to clear my head. The fresh air hits my face & instantly I know I can overcome anything. I'm fortunate enough to have a beach all to myself, where I can be alone with my thoughts.

Take five minutes, unwind. Relax. Remember, life is an treasure waiting to be discovered.

♥

Brownish Green Female Sheep.

I have a box of letters from my father who passed away on September 22, 2003. He was in prison for a few crucial years of my childhood, & every day I would come home from school to find a letter in the mailbox from him. He never stopped writing. I've been told that his letters are the reason I am not totally fucked up. My dad was my favorite person in the world, & I would do absolutely anything to get him back, if just for a moment. My father wrote hundreds of letters to me, literally, hundreds. I wrote him back three or four times. It is the greatest regret of my life. I was convinced by someone else that he was the worst thing in my life, and not a dad, or a father. It has always been my theory that you can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. I had been convinced that I did not have a dad. But, in truth, he was the only parent I really had. My mother was a joke & cared about nothing but herself. My dad on the other hand, cared about me like a parent should. He loved me & helped me survive some of the toughest times of my life. I didn't get to spend enough time with him before I lost him, but his letters help me keep him real, keep him here with me, & when things get tough, I know that I have a giant piece of him with me, always.

September 1992

Don't be so quick to judge a book by it's cover, take a minute to see what's really inside... it will always be a pleasant surprise.

♥

Long Lost Friends & Sparkly, New Step Brothers.

I've been fortunate in my life to have some pretty amazing people around me through the great times, the good times & most importantly the worst times. I've been stupid enough, though, to take that for granted once or twice. Anna was, & is, the greatest friend that I could ever ask for, & also, my first friend. All of my childhood memories involve her. I had such a fucked up childhood, but Anna showed me that not everything in life is bad. She never, ever, looked down upon me. She always gave me the benefit of the doubt & always found a way to cheer me up. We were pretty inseparable for a good chunk of my life. Through all the crap, I knew there was always tomorrow, & that tomorrow would contain birthday parties for our stuffed animals or forts made out of snow tires confiscated from my grandparent's garage. Thinking back, I can only smile & hope that my daughter finds a friend that genuine & true. Although we grew (painfully) apart, & I spent a couple years not realizing how great of a friend she really was, & what an influence she had on my life, I know now that one of the greatest mistakes of my life was letting that friendship deteriorate. The next person to leave a footprint on my heart, my beloved Joey. Who knew this kind of intense, passionate, at times heavily dysfunctional (I love you baby!) romance could exist? He is the other half to my heart, in every way possible. Joey showed me that true love really is waiting around the corner, in the most unusual places. Not a day goes by that my love for him doesn't grow. He has managed to show me how to love myself, how to smile again, how to find the happiness in every day. Where would I be without him? Surely, nowhere. He is the sunlight on every rainy day, the soundtrack to my life. It makes my heart beat faster knowing that I am the lucky girl who gets to share her life with him. Joey's given me the greatest gift I could ever ask for (diamonds..), our beautiful, gorgeous & intelligent little girl. He gives me butterflies every day, & I could spend my life talking about him.. Essentially he is every love song I've ever heard, all wrapped into one, dipped in chocolate & wrapped in bacon.. but maybe I'll keep all those amazing qualities he has to myself so nobody can try & steal him! Hehe.. & then of course, you have my awesome best friend, someone who I totally consider my sister, Kayla. She is the sister I never knew that I wanted, but that I desperately needed. It's amazing having a sister, someone who you can go to no matter what & who just gets it. I'm lucky to have her in my life, & I know that no matter how much time passes, she will always be my sister. And of course, there is something amazing about finding a new friend friend who turns out to be nothing short of your kindred spirit (step brother is more like it). Kristen is someone who can finish my sentence, & we've only really been friends for a few short months. It's amazing how alike we are, how we have the same thought process & how I've managed to survive without her. I have a pretty good feeling that she is a missing piece to my essential people list. She's one of the only people that I feel like I can be myself around without getting judged or laughed at (unless she's laughing with me!) & I hope to have her as a step brother for the rest of my life, because I don't think life would be very entertaining without her. Lastly, I have to give a shout out to a very special friend in my life, the always amazing Bridget, who shares my twisted thinking while teaching me some amazing life lessons. Thanks "Mom." ;)

These people all hold keys to my heart, & all will continue to have huge factors in the kind of person I grow to be... & I am beyond lucky. I love you all, so much.

♥

Live Life For The Little Things.

I've spent so much of my life blocking out the good things to punish myself for mistakes, blaming myself for things that I had no control over. I remember events in my life where I've had the chance to have the time of my life & I haven't, instead I've found ways to tear it down & ruin it. So now I'm trying to right those mistakes. I'm trying to find the good things in every day & I'm trying to live for the little things, like a heart-shaped box of chocolates or my toddler climbing into bed to snuggle early in the morning. It's such a change for me, but it really puts me in a much better mood & lets me see the not-so-good things in a better light. I may not have the greatest life, but I have so much to live for. I have a handsome husband who would go to the ends of the Earth to make me happy & I have a smart, beautiful little three-year-old who makes up the cutest songs & isn't happy unless we're happy. I'm lucky to be pretty & smart & I'm lucky to be able to do a lot of things other people aren't able to do. I wouldn't give up any of those things for some stupid material objects (although, I do love those stupid material objects.. hehe). I'm glad that being positive is my goal for 2010, I can definitely tell this is going to be a really great year for my family & I.

Take a look at the little things that you have to live for.
♥

I'm A Little Lost.

There are eleven things I know about myself.

1. I have a huge problem living in the present, I dwell on the past more than I ever should.

2. I have big dreams, but limited motivation.

3. I try to find a song that matches my mood every day.

4. I am trying to find the positive in every day.

5. As frustrated as I get dealing with a three year old, my heart melts when she smiles at me.

6. I Google everything. EVERYTHING.

7. I have no idea who I am, but eventually I'll figure it out.

8. I can make up an instant history about anything.

9. I fell in love instantly, & have been madly in love for five years, but I have the biggest issue letting all my walls down & being myself, so I often screw things up & then kick myself for it. I say the wrong things constantly, & then never know how to take it back, so I just keep my mouth shut, which is probably more detrimental than good.

10. I'm very sneaky, often manipulative, & I don't consider those bad things.

11. My alter-ego is a complete & total rockstar. Named cdog.

Think you can keep up?

♥