So Over It.

I'm sitting on the line between sane & breakdown. I am beyond sick of hearing what everyone else thinks of my life, although I reluctantly agree that I set myself up for it again & again. I've spent so much of my life in a total state of confusion that I've come to rely on what other people think. It's a big flaw, I know. But I know other things, also. I know that where I am in my life isn't ideal, but there's not much I can do about it at the moment & I have to hold out for the good things in life. I have a wonderful husband & we are quite literally crazy in love. It may not look like a perfect relationship, & it's not because really, can anything be perfect? But it works for us. We love each other & at the end of the day, there's nobody I'd rather cuddle up with. There's nothing better than love, & I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything. He lets his job be his life because he wants to achieve everything, & I admire that about him. He makes mistakes, just like anybody else, but at least he owns up to it. We have a gorgeous, smart & talented toddler, who has become that way because we both love her to the ends of the world. She's brilliant, everyone has always been amazed at how smart she is. She's never been in day care, & I wouldn't have it any other way. I love staying home with her, & I am going to keep it that way as long as I can because we will never have another child & I want to cherish this time with her before she gets old enough to decide she doesn't like us. She gets older every day, school is not going anywhere. It will still be here when I'm ready for it. Sure, my life may not be how you would want it to be if you were me, & sometimes I really can't stand all the things I don't have yet, but take a look at me in five years, I can guarantee one hundred & fifty percent that I will be exactly where I want to be in life, & people will be jealous of me. I've spent too long thinking I'm not good enough, & guess what, now I have a list a mile long of people I'm better than, & I don't have a problem with that. Want to call me conceited or cocky? Go ahead. I'm done caring. I appreciate that everyone cares enough to worry about me, but this is my life & I know damn well what I'm doing with it.

Life is what you make it. Your life is yours, not someone else's.

♥